Hello, blog reader.
If you look at my blog or follow me, you may notice that it’s been crickets for a while. I’ll be honest… I was struggling. To find my voice, to find my passion, to pick a direction. I could blame the pandemic but I’d also need to thank it too. But was that all? Was that the reason I got so lost and burnt out? I don’t know. I’m just rambling. Right?
I love books. I love to travel. I love to talk about both. I love to learn about new places and people and cultures and share that. COVID-19 obviously squashed a lot of people’s travel plans. Mine were no different. So I thought I could lean into my reading. I admire so many Book Bloggers, BookTok, Booktwt, YouTube bookish content creators. I thought, “Hey, that could be fun!” I wanted to make friends in that community. I felt like I needed to be on their level for them to say hi. (Honestly, I still feel out of their league.)
So I set myself a schedule. Made calendar reminders to post. Organized what I was going to post about and when. I heard it’s better to post regularly instead of sporadic so that was my goal. I made myself write reviews of EVERY book I read. Even when the inspiration wasn’t there. That’s what you do, right? Talk about books no matter if they’re a personal flop or not? And I stuck with books because I was told blogs need a steady theme and since travel was out…..
But it became work. I don’t mind work but I also don’t believe something I started for fun and as a creative outlet should also cause stress and anxiety. I began to dread posting because I felt stiffled, blocked, stymied. I’m not the type of person that can find the words when I force them. Writing prompts or mapping has never really worked for me. I do my best when it free flows from my conscious. I dump it all out on paper (or in a draft post) and clean it up later.
So I thought I would take a month break. Then a month became two. And two became half the year. You get the picture. The funny thing was, I didn’t stop reading. I didn’t stop exploring places that were deemed safe. That wasn’t really my problem. I just stopped posting about it.
The completely (I later learned / decided) pointless construct that I created was the problem. I’m not structured. I’m not organized. I’m not analytical. I’m chaotic and messy and spontaneous. I’m 100% a right brain person. I had to ask myself why I was trying to turn myself into something that I’m not? Who was I doing this for? If it was for me, why was I so unhappy?
Yes, COVID-19 killed my blog creativity. But like I said, it also allowed me the bandwidth to really look at myself. I can’t keep trying to be someone other than what the cosmos made me. I don’t want to do things like everyone else. I don’t want, nor do I care to “find” a niche where I “fit”. I just want to be unapologetically me and if I pick up friends along the way, I’ll feel blessed knowing you’re seeing the real me.
I don’t plan on taking my old posts down. I wrote them and for what it’s worth, I’m proud of that effort. But this blog will have a different vibe moving forward. It’ll be more stream of consciousness as I go through my life. There will still be book reviews, of course. But there will also be posts about my travel adventures or a recipe that I tried and want to share. There will probably be made up thought bubbles that pop in my head because I saw or heard something. Heck, there may even be a rave/rant about a show I’m binging.
But it’ll all be organic and that the best I can do. Because that’s me. Random, scattered, happy.
Sincerely, Katie 💜